For my little Annie

I got home, Annie followed behind angrily. Before I could realize what was going on out there, she shut the door which created an incredibly loud and creepy noise. Annie came into the room with her eyes staring at me fearly. She shouted while throwing her handbag to the sofa.

“Mom, how could you show up in front of me and my friends like that? How dare you insult my boyfriend, Johny? Don’t you understand how much you embarassed me in front of them by letting them know you’re just a maid in Jasmine’s house?”

I was shocked. Speechless. Tears kept coming down to my cheeks. I didn’t mean to cry. I felt like my heart bled.

“Honey, but Johny isn’t the right guy for you. You deserve someone who’s much better than that. And I made you feel ashamed in front of your friends? Wake up, little Annie! They are not your friends. Those who are taking you to the club everynight, giving you cigarettes and fooling you by alcohols just don’t deserve to be your friends. And tell me, tell me what is wrong with my job?” – I asked while feeling like losing my everything, including my beloved daughter.

“Your job, mom, it is not even a job! You cannot even bring home sixty dollars a week. Just because you gave birth to me at the age of seventeen doesn’t make you better than those girls in that club. And what happened out there just told them everything about us, about the fact that I am a daughter of a maid, that I don’t even actually have money to buy my own pack of cigarettes. That’s it. I am leaving. I cannot live in this house for any longer. I am so sick of listening to your lecture everyday. Or may I say, lecture from a maid!”

She left. Seeing her out there with those bad kids she called friends made me forgot to tell her that I lost my job. Annie – my little girl has been everything to me since the day I dropped out of highschool because I was pregnant. Maybe she was right about the fact that I actually had no rights to tell her what to do. I slowly laid myself down to the sofa. Eyes closed. I’m frustrated.

Dear Annie,

I’m so sorry about what happened this afternoon. I didn’t mean to hurt your feeling or making you feel embarassed in front of your friends. Also, a maid like me might not be good enough to be idolized by her only child. But darling, I have reasons for not letting you hanging out with those friends. So please, read this letter till the end.

You know that mommy loves you more than anything in this world, don’t you Annie? Your grandparents left me too soon that I couldn’t even remember their face. Therefore, I have been given you all my love since the day you were born. That day was also the day which I realized that no angels could be more lovely than your were. And still, you are my one and only angel.

I lived with my aunt after my parents had passed. It was a strange place where I didn’t get to go out of the house very often. My aunt told me going outside her white fences without adult guardian was not safe. So everyday afterschool, I had to stay at home doing homework and helping her with some houseworks. My cousin, Andrew, was three years older than me. He was a very polite person, but as soon as he got to highschool, he became familiar with drugs. On my seventeen’s birthday, he asked me to come along to the club to make friends. He said I was old enough to get out of that house for actual fun. So, I came with him without noticing that night would change my life forever.

It was the first night out in my life. The place Andrew called fun was a very lively place. In the dark, people smoked, drank, and danced. Ladies and men were covered up by the music. Andrew called me a martini then went away with his friends. I sat in the corner of the club. I was more scared than trying to fit in with those strangers.

BANG

The music stopped. People screamed during escaping. I sneaked into them to find Andrew. But my God! Andrew was down on floor, bleeding all over. I screamed his name. I ran and ran. I heard footsteps approached. I was stopped by very strong arms. My mouth was covered up by a white handkerchief which didn't smell very nice. Then I knew nothing after that.

In the next morning, when I woke up, my dear aunt told me that Andrew was gone. I was found in the club with my hair and clothes had been messed up. She said that I would be taken to the hospital on the weekend instead of that moment because people were busy taking care of Andrew's funeral. Poor Andrew!

"You're pregnant, Ms Nancy Robertson." - That's all I could hear from the doctor. Auntie said she did not have enough money to take care for both of us after i gave birth to you. I dropped out of highschool. Some people told me to find people who would adopt my child. But I refused. And when I actually gave birth to you, I realized that I had made a right decision. Because you were the most beautiful creature I had ever seen, Annie Robertson.

Darling, you are young and beautiful. You are a great girl. You are lucky because you are in highschool. And I cannot wait for the day you step in college. That would be the happiest day of my life when my dream comes true. I couldn't go to college, but I believe my daughter can make it. I am sorry if I have been forcing you all these years to be a perfect daughter of mine. However, you have a right to choose your own friends and own life. I will let you decide. But please think about it. There are dangers out there which I have watched and been through. By my experience, that's all I can counsel. But it's all for your benefit.


Love you,
Mommy

Then, I decided to put the letter in her room and went to bed. All I know was: in the next morning, Annie came to my bed. But I pretended to sleep.

"Sorry, mommy. You know I love you too." She whispered while kissing my forehead.